being uncontrollably widemouthed in front of a big screen
telling stories for the first time that have been in my mind for years
snippets of coincidences noticed, but not necessarily noted
intriguing conversation
mutual understanding of love
forgetting the time
"being the same person!"
becoming more modest after a compliment
feeling like someone has occasional checks and balances on me
non-exclusive "personal jokes" that get funnier each time
heart to hearts that lead to something
personal squinting nod of understanding
pro-active sharing
giving paragraph long and really direct compliments
on the dot understandings
peaceful emotional catharsis
one sentence help for a stressful situation
suppressed tear jerker
being thought of and leaving a mark among
bringing people together
teaching an appreciative student
someone wanting my help
true constructive criticism
natural smiles and laughter pictures
being natural
unspoken connection
beginning sentences with "i feel"
accidentally making a difference
Saturday, January 12, 2008
different handwriting each time pen to paper
Change used to scare me. This is not to say that "I don't like change." I guess I may be just starting to understand how it works. Every day seeming like a different life used to make me feel like that's not what it's supposed to feel like.
I am so fascinated on how people can change. Looking back at photos, thinking about the gaps in memory, and initial reactions of difference help me uncover this change. I don't think change will ever cease to fascinate me.
I'm trying to look at events and moments of difference and the present equally connecting to the past and the future in a transcendentalist viewpoint. I like soaking things in just enough to allow them to reflect and bounce right off me as if sparks of light off a block of aluminum foil. Somehow I feel held back to my original state; as if these reflex's are somehow remembered and copied and stored in a side compartment for me to grasp occasionally.
I kind of feel as if the evolution of myself is like those early mario brothers video games (which btw I always felt awkward playing). I'm talking about the ones where mario jumps up and over a conveyor belt city or skyscrape and if he misses the mushroom or gets hit by a rock he automatically starts back at the beginning. I am mario and even though I am freely riding this conveyor belt toward somewhere, sometimes I'm strung back to the beginning. But I should mention that when playing these games alone, I always had a fascination of not going forward. I tried to test what would happen if I went backwards or just hung out among these mushrooms or question marks. Sometimes I would just stop and chill. Some people say video games are a way to go to another world and become that character. I always felt more conscious of myself while playing. I was not mario. I was Lisa awkwardly pressing A and B and occasionally that back button, to control mario.
(Haha that extended metaphor just got me psyched for my video games class).
Change use to scare me. I don't necessarily think that uneasiness of it's workings has gone away, I just think I am more conscious of it with every day.
I am so fascinated on how people can change. Looking back at photos, thinking about the gaps in memory, and initial reactions of difference help me uncover this change. I don't think change will ever cease to fascinate me.
I'm trying to look at events and moments of difference and the present equally connecting to the past and the future in a transcendentalist viewpoint. I like soaking things in just enough to allow them to reflect and bounce right off me as if sparks of light off a block of aluminum foil. Somehow I feel held back to my original state; as if these reflex's are somehow remembered and copied and stored in a side compartment for me to grasp occasionally.
I kind of feel as if the evolution of myself is like those early mario brothers video games (which btw I always felt awkward playing). I'm talking about the ones where mario jumps up and over a conveyor belt city or skyscrape and if he misses the mushroom or gets hit by a rock he automatically starts back at the beginning. I am mario and even though I am freely riding this conveyor belt toward somewhere, sometimes I'm strung back to the beginning. But I should mention that when playing these games alone, I always had a fascination of not going forward. I tried to test what would happen if I went backwards or just hung out among these mushrooms or question marks. Sometimes I would just stop and chill. Some people say video games are a way to go to another world and become that character. I always felt more conscious of myself while playing. I was not mario. I was Lisa awkwardly pressing A and B and occasionally that back button, to control mario.
(Haha that extended metaphor just got me psyched for my video games class).
Change use to scare me. I don't necessarily think that uneasiness of it's workings has gone away, I just think I am more conscious of it with every day.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
mid-way meeting
I talked to another guy I don’t know yesterday...this is turning into a regular thing I guess. This time it was on a blog site. There were about 45 comments on a topic board before it ended up being a conversation basically just between the two of us, except for a nice person who was being kind to me. His blogger name is big daddy, which actually turned out to be an opportune name in the discussion, if not for anything than for my personal entertainment. I was creative in my name- Lisa.
If your so inclined or interested in this blog-sesh, which will make my observations below more clear, or more broadly, if are interested in the new movie, Cloverfield that is coming out, (which actually I'm not even that interested in)...just click here. I guess it also shows a more feisty side of LShap, but still with the tint of hopeful sentiment that you know.
Anyways, here's what I gleaned from this experience:
Never doubt that there will be an unexpected nice person to back you up
It feels better to argue in a respectable way
It’s easy to resolve an argument when at least one person welcomes understanding
Your attitude of someone can shift if you can let go of the past
It’s easy to make judgment; but easier to not.
Look for ways to meet someone half way.
Trying to understand, with practice, will become natural.
Overconfidence is a form of insecurity. Move on.
Being naïve is not the worst thing.
blogging=sharing.
big daddy- if you’re reading this, thanks again for meeting me half way. As you made me realize a few things, I hope I was able to plant some naïve and optimistic seeds in you. I’m still wondering if your name refers to that Adam Sandler movie or something else interesting. Frankly, I’ve been thinking about that more than Cloverfield.
If your so inclined or interested in this blog-sesh, which will make my observations below more clear, or more broadly, if are interested in the new movie, Cloverfield that is coming out, (which actually I'm not even that interested in)...just click here. I guess it also shows a more feisty side of LShap, but still with the tint of hopeful sentiment that you know.
Anyways, here's what I gleaned from this experience:
Never doubt that there will be an unexpected nice person to back you up
It feels better to argue in a respectable way
It’s easy to resolve an argument when at least one person welcomes understanding
Your attitude of someone can shift if you can let go of the past
It’s easy to make judgment; but easier to not.
Look for ways to meet someone half way.
Trying to understand, with practice, will become natural.
Overconfidence is a form of insecurity. Move on.
Being naïve is not the worst thing.
blogging=sharing.
big daddy- if you’re reading this, thanks again for meeting me half way. As you made me realize a few things, I hope I was able to plant some naïve and optimistic seeds in you. I’m still wondering if your name refers to that Adam Sandler movie or something else interesting. Frankly, I’ve been thinking about that more than Cloverfield.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
show that you care
On January 12th there will be a mock rally at UCSB to save the Gaviota Coast, to be filmed for the mockumentary, Chimes of Gaviota or: I've Got the Real Estate Blues.It is staged and led by our main actors, but it is still important because it's a real issue. Come and show that you care!
For more info, check out our facebook event or support the cause and Save Naples!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
the first of the month; not just a number
New years for me is kind of like thanksgiving. It's a time for me to look toward the past and evaluate my current state. I barely look toward the present; memory is too important for me to jump to what has yet to occur. I figure I'll glean on that later. It's also a time to have fun. Somewhere in between the two, I of course make time to make a list.
Every year I make a list of "firsts" when I get home from my new year’s eve celebrations. It means more to me than any top ten list ever would. It’s fast and spontaneous and totally candid. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes there’s surprises. And it only includes the instant things that happen that night. Any other categories are listed but I don’t wait for them to happen or encourage them to happen. I will mentally fill them in when they do and (perhaps) post some of those when they are filled in. I sometimes contemplate why I don't do a "last" list; I guess my answer is because that's just plain sad.
It would be nice if everyone made a list like this and posted it so the people involved can see. It's nice to stop and think of the little things in life beyond booze and vast resolutions. Feel free to steal my categories but it’s the best to add some of your own! (I never look back at my previous year until the next new years day).
Here they are as of 12:00.01- 2008:
First hug- Michelle
First cry- EK
First call- Steven
First words: “woo!”
First "deep" intellectual convo- Michael
First Aim- EK
First I love you- Tessa
First song- Bright eyes- First day of my life
First drink- Starbucks Christmas Blend Coffee
First bite of food- Homemade lemon cake
First face book wall post- Justin
First real laugh- Steven
First solid thought- “I’m lucky for what I have”
First saved photo in my 2007 college album: chimes cast and crew group
First TV show watched: tie: New Year’s Rockin Eve confetti clean-up and new years wish from Hugh Hefner
First “that feeling inside:” When wishing friends happy new year and contacting a few even though “it’s been a while”
First news watched: ABC weather report
First website visited: umail (duh)
First news read: Ski accident that kills Michael Kennedy
First incoming email: Facebook: “Ryan wrote on your wall”
First thing read: LA times Calendar section
Still waiting for:
First laugh until I cry:
First cry until I laugh:
First kiss:
First joke that people laugh at:
First real LOL:
First movie in a theatre:
First film related task:
First live performance:
First You tube Video commission by someone else that I actually enjoy:
First use of a personal joke:
First disappointment:
First complaint:
First photo:
First lesson:
First regret:
First sent email:
First compliment given:
First compliment received:
First surprise:
First memorable saying by a friend or someone I admire:
First purchase:
Every year I make a list of "firsts" when I get home from my new year’s eve celebrations. It means more to me than any top ten list ever would. It’s fast and spontaneous and totally candid. Sometimes it’s obvious, sometimes there’s surprises. And it only includes the instant things that happen that night. Any other categories are listed but I don’t wait for them to happen or encourage them to happen. I will mentally fill them in when they do and (perhaps) post some of those when they are filled in. I sometimes contemplate why I don't do a "last" list; I guess my answer is because that's just plain sad.
It would be nice if everyone made a list like this and posted it so the people involved can see. It's nice to stop and think of the little things in life beyond booze and vast resolutions. Feel free to steal my categories but it’s the best to add some of your own! (I never look back at my previous year until the next new years day).
Here they are as of 12:00.01- 2008:
First hug- Michelle
First cry- EK
First call- Steven
First words: “woo!”
First "deep" intellectual convo- Michael
First Aim- EK
First I love you- Tessa
First song- Bright eyes- First day of my life
First drink- Starbucks Christmas Blend Coffee
First bite of food- Homemade lemon cake
First face book wall post- Justin
First real laugh- Steven
First solid thought- “I’m lucky for what I have”
First saved photo in my 2007 college album: chimes cast and crew group
First TV show watched: tie: New Year’s Rockin Eve confetti clean-up and new years wish from Hugh Hefner
First “that feeling inside:” When wishing friends happy new year and contacting a few even though “it’s been a while”
First news watched: ABC weather report
First website visited: umail (duh)
First news read: Ski accident that kills Michael Kennedy
First incoming email: Facebook: “Ryan wrote on your wall”
First thing read: LA times Calendar section
Still waiting for:
First laugh until I cry:
First cry until I laugh:
First kiss:
First joke that people laugh at:
First real LOL:
First movie in a theatre:
First film related task:
First live performance:
First You tube Video commission by someone else that I actually enjoy:
First use of a personal joke:
First disappointment:
First complaint:
First photo:
First lesson:
First regret:
First sent email:
First compliment given:
First compliment received:
First surprise:
First memorable saying by a friend or someone I admire:
First purchase:
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