I can feel the reasons why I want this to be completed, but there are physical things that are holding me back. This isn't about the physical, this is about "that feeling." I can never describe that feeling because it is so special to me that I have never even tried to explain it. Somewhere the generalizing to say "that feeling" makes it known to me that it is too special and too well known for me to even externalize or find any physical meaning to it. I hear the three songs and get nervous thinking how this image can be manifested with those melodies and "that feeling." It's the physical setbacks and the un-confidence that may hold me back. I don't like being un-optomisitc. I am not, but for some reason I seem to be right now!
All I can do is wait and hope, then work work work, and realize I put so much emotion and thought in to this that either way it was meant for something and I can be proud. I am amazed how pride so often in this time comes from places that I would never justify for myself but those people who do source their pride from illegitimate reasonings, get away with and mask their invalid power. How often am I tricked to think I am lower than these invalid claims of confidence. My modesty hides from me, how much I deserve. This prompts me not to be more arrogant, but I need to remember the way in which I do things and that my intentions are personal and emotional. I am so contradictory and "deep" that any explanations that I try to give just sound shallow. The deeper I think, the denser my ideas sound as I externalize them. I just need to remember that difference is not wrong, and things that are fully exposed, even though they are known or somehow "tradition" does not mean they are invalid, but should not make me feel like I am invalid.
"That feeling" right now feels good and it kind of only comes when I am alone, and sadly, when I am feeling a little vulnerable. It is when I am quiet and can clearly remember how these ideas come to me and why I find them special enough to initiate.
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6 comments:
sometimes when you write like this it rings false, not saying it is, but don't try and force "deepness." It'll come across naturally...or rather it does.
yea i get what ur sayin but this isn't written about writing, lol...if that's what u mean. i know i'm being vague, but im actually talking about a film project.
I guess I'm saying your diction here makes you sound pretentious. Well not pretentious, but it comes across as fake humility.
interesting, but I could care less how i sound, it's real to me...fake humility? hmm. yea i'm pretty sure i don't care lol.
I'm just trying to provide some insight, I don't mean to be mean and maybe I'm coming off that way, but yes you are right what feels real to you feels real, but I guess what I was trying to express is how it comes off, but I could be wrong and I know am because you are truly humble and that's why I set up my initial critique because of the disjunct between how I know you and your writing here. see?
i understand your intentions and it's all good...no worries, i'm not offended but i think a bit misunderstood. i re-read what i wrote and see a totally alternate way you could read into it but I think I read it in a completely different way just, well, because it's me. but i'm up for criticism anytime...
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