So whoever decided that a day is 24 hours, apparently didn't consult with me before.
I have found myself literally scheduling my days every hour...without much consideration of time in between to get to the other place or to prep. (if I had the time I would probably spend it drawing a diagram of my day haha..um trust me, it's been done). It's exciting and these things need to get done but man, my days have started to feel like puzzles....not those hard ones that sit on your kitchen table for weeks because you lose interest or are confused, but luckily the kind that is done quickly but methodically. I guess that's the good thing; my days are very exciting and eventful. I guess I have normalized the idea of stress and fatigue. I haven't quite fully normalized the idea of worry, but I'm getting there. I think there has to be a certain amount of worry that gives me the energy to perfectly plan things so that the actual actions of my day are more spiritedly busy, rather than draining.
But here's the thing, when I even find myself with about an hour or less of spare time among all the hustle and bustle, I am bored. Bored doesn't do well for me. I can be doing nothing and not be bored, like relaxing and watching a movie or drawing, but being bored for me is just another way of saying confused. When I have a lag between my schedule, I am reminded how I wouldn't have it any other way. So when I complain about being busy, it's usually either out of excitement or a fun way to remind me what i have to do. Sometimes my lists are boring, so just talking about my schedule is fun in itself, lol.
I'm weird about being organized and on task, but I get things done and am still happy that somehow I still find time to hang out with friends and be nice to people along the way. Sometimes I say, screw the lists and schedules, but it's still on my mind. I kid about having OCD, but sometimes I see those type of tendencies. I would say I have a mild case of it mixed with love. I studied OCD in high school quite seriously actually and in depth; I found how serious that condition can get. I know I see traces of that in myself, but I do also think that much of those characteristics, like thinking way too much about things in the moment, and wanting to repeat things for assurance, are found in myself for the better. Without those practices, I think I would be a very different person. I don't think I would be as motivated. So for that, I am thankful.
I sometimes complain that not that many people are like me in that way, but then again I am glad that they are not. Call me contradictory, but I like the ways of both worlds; the calm and the energized, the planners and the procrastinators; those busy and those in leisure.
Either way, I wouldn't have it any other way...except the fact that I keep reminding myself that the healthy teen should be getting about 9 1/4 hours of sleep a night.
I share with you these different opinions about being busy, that I may or may not agree with:
“The busy man is troubled with but one devil; the idle man by a thousand”-Spanish Proverb
“A man who is very busy seldom changes his opinions.”- Nietzsche
“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.”- Thoreau
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7 comments:
that 9 and 1/4 hours worth of sleep is bull. its just an avg number guestimated some time ago. We all function perfectly on varying hours of sleep. For you It's probably zero. well if you had it your way. =)
LISA!!!!!!!!!!!
now i feel really guilty. i will write your letter for you.
pffft, i don't have enough time to sleep for 9 hours. but when i do get to sleep that long i wake up more tired than rested.. 7 is perfectly adequate for me but i can still do well enough with 5.
i like being around other people who "freak out" (not too dramatically) or at least stress/worry/something on sort of the same level i do. or at least knowing other people are going through that. i can't really stand doing my work at my apartment; i don't like the environment.
I like how everyone is kinda interested in the sleep issue, since that was just an afterthought I added...
But alex, I'd like to think I'm the type of person that doesn't freak out at stress..as I said I think a combination of just being me and being so busy normalizes the idea of being frantic. Everyone has their moments, but yeah it is very interesting because sometimes the people who are less busy are the ones who complain and stress the most--they are not used to it.
I think my worry turns into caution to be prepared, and that's where the ocd comes in :)
we all need some good ol fashioned breakdown time to just say,"this sucks." It doesn't really mean that we think it sucks its a way to rejuvenate our batteries. I mean can you imagine saying, "Life sucks" and actually meaning it? hahaha
I'll quote myself from a day or two ago.
"stress- my drug or anti-drug?
- well let me think about it, make a list, think about it more, draw a diagram, read about it three times, forget it, dream about it, then get more stressed"
I love the comment about scheduling yourself to death but being bored when you have the downtime. I sometimes am sure I died very early in a past life and in this life I don't want to miss anything. I think creatives all have a bit of undistinguished OCD---look at some of the collections we have. I am always observing, absorbing and working it. Like the world I'm walking through is one great wonderful movie, some parts of which I've seen, some unknown to me. Sometimes I want to pause it, go back to a familiar movie I know the ending of.
We live in a universe of paradox. Calm chaos. Your outlook is splendid. Loving and embracing both ends of the spectrum with equal vigor. So wise are you to know that part of you and hug it. It's what undoubted makes you a brilliant filmmaker, friend and person. You are wise beyond your years old soul.
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