Today I used the term “leap of faith” twice and in both senses I meant it in relation to love.
I find that repetition pretty interesting.
Everything seems to be fitting into place and when I say that I don’t mean at all that everything is turning out alright or that I am getting everything I want. Because honestly, it’s far from it. But, things seem to be sailing by and making all the right pit stops.
( I am tired of explaining everything and answering questions that I have answered already and then again. The rest of this passage may not have anything to do with leaps of faith, but then again, it does. I trust you to figure that out. Sometimes explaining just makes my ideas more unexplainable and that just makes me frustrated…)
I like repetition and replays and redo’s. I like remembering how reality is and how things keep flowing and fluxing back, washing away until things change; until wearing away means new growth. I like how I can change the way I see things. I like when people can see that change, but feel a little fake when they think I was like that originally. I love the people who lead me toward change. I feel light and porous and get that feeling inside and take a deep breath--feel it again and then smile inside. I then smile inside toward the person or image or sound that helped me get there. I like to return to those things that gave me that feeling--and even better feel so nice when they re-visit me.
I like that I can sometimes be forward and feel better that way. The things I originally had to suppress can now be happily expressed. I like having emotion; but ironically I like when movies show characters who lack a lot of emotion. I have found over this week that I am full of contradictions. I admit it, but somehow get offended when people agree. That in itself a contradiction? I don’t know. But a good friend taught me that things need to be questioned and re-thought and I guess that’s how I can understand that contradictions are not only natural but more dependable than clear-cut, prideful opinions.
I like long sentences and exhales of understanding. I like that repetitions allow for change and re-visiting.
The ability to re-visit an idea gives more freedom and questioning leads to perhaps clearer comprehension.
The thing I don’t like about repetition is that the original or the previous wave can sometimes be washed away by all the copies and new memories.
-promise me one thing---don’t let me forget how much I care about you
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7 comments:
I love this. You are are very good writer. reading this post I felt like I was watching and hearing small waves lap up on a porus river rock. Very lyrical, insightful and profound.
Your writing makes me smile. I feel like you're in my head....putting what's in my head in a wonderfully expressed language. Repetition and redo..like those waves wearing off the surface of rocks until deeper layers are revealed. Changing the way we see. I also always feel like I contradict myself...but I can consider every argument and am always open to changing my mind because of it--I'm sure this is perceived as I don't take a stand or am committed to what I say. I don't pretend to have the answers, but in this culture, it is going against the grain. I love being around people who push me to think differently....and that's pretty much everyone we encounter daily isn't it? Repitition merely allows us to see ourselves.
Kate- thanks for your kind words. I really like to write but I somehow meet some trouble in writing things if they are not completely personal. But I guess being completely personal is cool because it's real and when people can relate, it means even more...
As I was reading some of your prose I felt the same way that what you wrote, I was feeling but you said it nicely; maybe it's just the recognition that someone feels the same way--or that many of us feel the same way, that is the cool thing in reading people's personal thoughts :)
"leap of faith" reminds me of indiana jones and the last crusade. i've never really thought of or used that phrase before, but reading your post made me think about it a lot more. i think it has become an under-used phrase nowadays (esp. cause people freak out at anything that might indirectly refer to religion or God).
even though I hardly use it, i really like it. ever since i read this, it has struck something deep inside me and has been on my mind since.
p.s.
i like your writing cause it's like a stream of consciousness. sometimes i might have to go back and read something again but that's what i like about it. you don't get everything the first time (for me at least).
thanks, alex. I'm glad it got you to think; and it makes me happy that you don't mind getting lost in my writing.
I never really think of that phrase either, but I have found lately that when I use a word I haven't used before/don't use often, I usually repeat it again later in the day. Like yesterday I used the word, "pit-stop" twice haha.
contradictions are the ways of life bebe =)
with that said, I'm gonna take some more time to read your entry. They are very thick with molasses-type goodness, can't handle it all at once.
molasses. yum. hope you have a straw ;)
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